at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
