The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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