And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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