The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
