Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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