i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
