i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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