3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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