The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
