I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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