the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
