I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
