i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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