I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
