SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
