she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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