Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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