i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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