Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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