Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
