Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
