I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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