I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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