we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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