If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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