May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
