He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
