and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Everclear isn't food dammit
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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