How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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