OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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