so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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