i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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