Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize