We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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