it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
