Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
