Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
