I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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