Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
