it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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