i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
smell my finger.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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