im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
