You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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