You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
