just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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