you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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