"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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