We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
