He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
