Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
