overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
