If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
