Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I am in a vortex of obligation.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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