I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Randomize
