You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
