1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
