my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
