That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
