Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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