I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
