oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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