i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
love makes seman taste better
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize