She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I intend to get homeless drunk
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
