I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
