Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
