maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
