I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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