I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
