I think im going to throw up on grandma
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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