Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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