girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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