Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
They took my balls.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
