Im at strip club and am horny
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
