Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
