Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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