btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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