Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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