Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Are my feet made of real feet?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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