So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
